I'm afraid to say my burning desire to write about my food and exercise every day has imploded. Updates will be fewer and less detailed from now on, and I'll keep a personal diary instead.

On the other hand, very interesting changes are happening in my life. I've had more than one (two, but I think maybe more that I've forgotten) dream about natural disasters, which signify as I understand it drastic change.

I'm starting to earn money now, which for me is something special... not because I find it difficult, but because this requires pushing through certain mental blocks. I've always seen money as something dirty, and work as inevitably slavery, which needs to change, and it is, slowly but surely. I'm reading Richard Branson's autobiography, "Screw It - Let's Do It" which is helping me see money and work from a different perspective. I'll write a review on it later - I've read it before and it really is an excellent book. Recently I was looking through it and felt a strange discord with it and wondered why, if his views are so like mine on so many topics. The answer, I realised, was that he just wasn't angry and resistant of the sort of people who make slaves out of people and abuse money. I think that may be the difference he, as a successful entrepreneur, has with most people who are dissatisfied with their working life.

So today I've been going about errands as paid work for my good friend Pablo, and it has been really, really fun. I just need to get rid of this EXPECTATION that work has to be slavery. Sure, such exists, but any employer would need my permission to treat me like that... if not, I walk out. Of course I want to work for myself. Actually, I think any sort of work is working for yourself. I need to get rid of this idea that you can give up responsibility for you life in return for being victimised, and that it might be worth a try if you could.

As for diet and exercise, I ate too much yesterday, again. But, today, as I've been working, I've been hungry and didn't mind it! I even preferred to have an empty stomach and enjoy the extra energy that gives me! So this thing about my need to break through resistance being what I was trying to fulfill through overeating seems to be right.

The other perspective I've seen is that of gluttony as one of the seven sins. Plato, a poster on the Steve Pavlina forums who writes a lot of excellent stuff about the polarity of light vs. dark, put me onto that idea. A sin is to focus on yourself, your ego, your personal gratification over all else. It's not, in fact, so much pleasure, as glorification of the self. So gluttony, being excessive eating, isn't about what the body is asking for; it's an attempt to gratify the self. The more you eat, the more you feel important. The same is for the sin of lust: of course, sex can be a channel for light into the world as well as darkness, but all of these things depend on how you do them. So from now on I going to attempt to channel light energy while eating, that is, by focusing not on my personal need and craving (self) but on the food, on the senses, on enjoying, which is an outflowing of attention, which is of the light polarity. If you focus on your self or personal needs, it's inflowing, or dark, or fear (as the personal security is a bottomless pit, being that immortality is impossible, therefore the energy is sucked out of the world). If you focus on anything else, including your body and pleasures, so long as you're not trying to save yourself, what you think you are in your mind, then you are using outflowing energy, or love, or light. These two polarities have their own individual pleasures, but I've chosen love as the way I intend to live. It's not better or worse, but it IS what I, personally, am most drawn to deep down.

So my new focus on my diet path is to use love energy rather than fear energy with regards to food. I think this is connected to the "breaking through resistance" energy of the second chakra, seeing as I have blockages there, which manifests as dark energy. Concordantly, I have similar problems with both sex and creative expression/work/money. These problems, I hope, are all solvable together. Not a small task, but it's good to see what I have to do.