Last time I wrote about my theory of the colours of consciousness. The idea was that each stage of development of the human soul is defined by what the soul searches for in its life. It was a theory I came to with a bit of experience, a bit of intuition, and a bit of thinking.

I used to write journal-style entries in this blog, which I have cut down on mostly, except where inspirational and interesting. So you might have heard of the guys who I used to call my "teachers". Out of embarrassment I deleted that from some of my prominent posts, because the fact is I don't know what I was smoking but it was strong stuff! Those teachers were silly, manipulative bastards who just happened to believe their own lies so strongly that it drew other people in. I hope you don't think I'm not qualified to write a website about finding truth then - I think this may make me more qualified, as it taught me one important lesson - "Don't be a guru".

There was one lesson however which they accidentally gave me that I haven't tried to clear out of my head; whatever book they stole it from had been a good one. When they replied to the word "thankyou" they would say "thanks to you" instead of "don't worry about it" or anything like that. I took the essence of it - I don't say "thanks to you" but I really like the idea of not negating the other person's sincere thanks.

Me and Marlem, an employee at the three-person restaurant I work at, were talking. I say "employee". She's an employee, but I'm not. She earns a steady salary, and works 9 to 5, because that's how she needs things to work. Me and Cristian, however, split the rest of the earnings at the end of the month and work as much as we need to/feel like. Pretty nice setup.

If you find this article too long or emotionally heavy, I wrote a briefer, happier life story here a year after I wrote this one.

This is the story of my life up to the events in "Aris". In it I'd like to give you an idea of what sort of person I am and what I am doing.I wrote something similar once which I have based this off, and both times for me were very cathartic: I felt like I was coming to terms with something I had buried. Since the post "Celebrating your friends while they are still alive" I have been dealing with the fear of love, whose origins I describe below.

You're on the path of personal growth. There are so many things to improve, so many leads. How do you start? What's most important? How do you avoid overwhelm?

Edit as of 2 March 2010: I recognise that it's a bit presumptuous to say "everyone" and "most people" like I do in this article. It's an angry article. But I think it does have a good and real point to it. I'm so happy looking at how much I've grown since this old piece. Love to you, Andrew

Let me tell you something that no-one else has had the balls to step up and say.