After hearing the second psychic telling me that my energy body was “very clear” and stopping to read myself in the mirror I decided something must be up. I’ve been admitting to having a dark side and having a long way to go for a while on the Steve Pavlina forums, and it’s almost like some people have made me up as this conflicted light/dark guy in their minds. It’s not the first time. When I hung out at spiritual type places in Barcelona, I got this reputation as this “spiritual guy, but X, Y, and Z”. But really, all I am is a lightworker who knows power.
Lightworkers and Power
A lightworker who knows power doesn’t look like this bullshit fake lightworker which many people have gotten used to. Actually, we look rather different from what society considers the norm. We don’t conform. And that makes us have a very different form. (We’re the ones who are sworn to take the world by storm and let the cold feel warm, raise up the forlorn; that’s why we’re born and that’s why we’re gonna swarm, we’re gonna show the world our form and bring light into the storm. Torn; the clothes we have worn, the world that has shorn from us but we’re gonna love it in return, make good our call’n and do what we have sworn).
Lol. 
A lightworker who knows power sees through the lies and bullshit of society. So to start with, they don’t follow any rule whatsoever. Why would they? That’s society stuff. You can’t bring in light unless you’re separate from the darkness.
It doesn’t mean they sow discord. That’s a very different thing to not following rules. It means they follow their inner guide and not those of external agents. And rightly so; cause the only external agent that would have you follow them rather than your inner guide is not working within the light.
A lightworker who knows power doesn’t care to appear “light” unless they have a specific need to. And sometimes they appear less light than other lightworkers. Why? Because they don’t hide themselves or their emotions; they don’t pretend to be “perfect”; in fact lightworkers who know power reject external definitions of perfection anyway.
Listen up guys; there is no “should” or “should not” in the lightworkers’ realm. There is nothing you need to do to be perfect. There is nowhere you need to go. Shut up; you say you know this but you don’t. (I’m addressing myself to a certain audience here; actually a lot of you do know this).
You are LOVED. There is NOTHING you need to do to be loved, nothing! Do you think God thinks you are dirty or wrong for anything at all? Could God in his infinite perfection have created anything that was not loveable, not forgiveable?
Lightworkers, you don’t have to hide your perfection to be loveable*. And you most definitely don’t have to do that to be lightworkers. If you attract criticism for being anything that doesn’t fit into someone’s image of a lightworker….. FUCK ‘EM. And love them. But, really, you know, fuck ‘em.
*I’m not sure if that was a typo, but I’m leaving it as is.
Lightworker, if you have a dark side… good, it shows you are human. Let yourself have it. Transmute it if you like, but not because you are “supposed” to. Not because your negativity is “bad”. YOU ARE INFINITE LOVE. You cannot be “bad”!
Lightworkers and Negativity
I was inspired to write about lightworkers and power to make this point: do not fear negativity. Don’t give your power away to that bullshit, lightworker.
Don’t be shamed for being negative. Don’t think you are bad for being negative. And don’t hide it and think you’re immaculate. Don’t think being immaculate makes you more loveable than the dirtiest, foulest hobo on the streets of New York. Cause God made you out of the same stuff as him, and you are both love whether either of you realise it or not.
A healthy way to take on negativity is to cleanse it when you can see that it is causing you damage. No more, no less. As you become more aware of yourself and your actions, you will naturally want to grow to become more capable of expressing your love and power in the world.
It’s not cause it makes you better. It’s cause it’s what you are. Love is what you are, and everything else is bullshit. So you become aware of it, and you clean it out. In your own time. Knowing that your loveability has nothing to do with it.
*It is higher vibration to have negativity and be honest about it than to have negativity and hide it*. And you can only truly deal with negativity when you deal with it from a place of truth and you-ness, not a place of a rejection of you.
Lightworker, keep your power. Be as you are, and change not to satisfy the demands of others. The only guy you have to satisfy is you.
I love you,
Andrew
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
BIG TIMEEEEEEE
WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*Strokes moustache* Indeed!!! :p
<3
And now for some “negativity”. (dont be afraid) There’s a part of me that describes the glass as “containing 50% of its capacity”. Unfortunately, I find it very hard to distiguish that part from a similar part that
comes to the quasi-rational conclusion that striving for a “normal”, “happy”, “secure” life is utter futility. I suppose it would say something like this: “the glass contains 50% of its capacity, but it’s obvious that’s insufficient to achieve any goals. I dont hate myself, or blame myself. But I certainly seem insuffient, insuffiently willing. Unwilling to contine with the “great” effort that makes no difference to the world, and little to my own. The effort of just trying to ‘engage’ with life, ‘behave’ in a positive or productive way. I’ve experienced various states through my 45 years. I’ve been empowered, inspired, helpful, even happy on rare occasions. But I have never acheived any lasting success. And finally fallen very far, from a temporary partial ‘success’- lost more than I even had, by even losing what belonged to another. It has amounted to nothing wothwhile. I am more than familiar with many of the different ways of thinking about things. The Budda, thoughts giving emotions, affirmations, the principle of cognitive behavioral therapy. You name it, I’ve probably touched upon many of them. But I submit I am one of the most ‘lost’, most firmly ‘hopeless’, since my quasi-rational negativity is quite seasoned, developed, and articulate. It will find the futility
in any positive energy or ‘argument’ as it applies to me or those like me. It considers the world made up of those that are okay, and those that aren’t. This seems perfectly rational. And it’s clear about which part it occupies. The distinction between quasi-rational and truely rational is so completly overlapping, blurred, and intermingled, I of course utterly doubt I will ever untangle it, that is, if I can even entertain that the ‘quasi’ is so faulted. My will seems to firmly require a convincing, graspable method for actual transformation, or quanifiable evidence that my assesments are really so wrong.
I have never seen or heard any such. Its as if Im being told I ‘must’ want it, but firmly seem unable to want something I believe to be rediculously unacheivable. I use the analogy of: not matter how badly I wanted it or how hard I tried, I could never become an olympic athlete. I liken positivity and happiness to that achievement. I dont want to be ‘right’ about this. The tools, teaching, encouragement, books, mediations, etc are like the coach, the track, but they cannot make me olympic material. They simply cannot. I know how to use the tools, but that is not always enough. Likewise it looks as if 50ml of gas will not power the car for 100 miles.Why should I drive anymore if I will only make it to the end of the block? They are virtually the same. The ‘okays’ are already halfway to the next town. Us ‘not okays’ are in various states of denial, delusion, or breakdown. But some of us, not matter what we try, will not reach ‘normalcy’. And I’m unhappy about that. I may never want to be happy about that. At some point we, perhaps rationally (perhaps not) , question the wisdom in trying to swim upstream when we are, and may never have been, fully equipped to make it to the spawning ground. Well , we can still occasionally live in the moment, for an instant or two. But that’s probably the best you will ever get from me. But I still applaude those that contribute positivity. I envy those that enjoy life. I know envy is unwise. I know many things. But I am not what I know. I am what I do, what I think, and how I ‘be’. I change as much as I change, and I stay the same as much as I stay the same. If I try really hard I can ‘fake’ being less negative. But it never gets easier, as some say it should. It never becomes automatic. No matter how long you live with and work with a ferel cat, it may never allow itself to be cuddled. The optomists would say, count the positives. But that actually requires a complete change
of your goals, and a complete acceptance of your lot, if you are finally clear that there are limits to what you will achieve. We are not all great acheivers, we are in fact not all ‘normal’ achievers. I am finally starting to think there may be some wisdom in knowing that, as negative as it may seem. I certainly dont want to accept it. Part of me thinks that would be a mistake. And of course, I tired of thinking about it all. Tired of thinking about anything for that matter. Im told some of my excess negative is due to my recent extreme loss. Perhaps. But it has only amplified and illuminated my inner negative self.
Hey Andrew (guess who? lol),
I agree with a majority of what you’re saying. Except this part: “You can’t bring in light unless you’re separate from the darkness.”
I believe that there is light and dark in everyone and everything. You know, the whole yin and yang concept, the balance, etcetera etcetera.
I don’t believe that a person has to be light to be light. That wouldn’t exactly make sense (atleast to me) – if you’re light already, how can you become light?
I believe you can be dark as the midnight sky inside, but if you choose the light then you’ll gradually move toward it in one way or another. Perhaps that’s because I’ve done it and I know it’s possible.
But all in all, it comes down to a choice. Do you want to be dark, stay dark? Or do you want to move toward the light, as the saying goes?
Even the lightest person, somewhere, has darkness in them. That’s just human. So it goes both ways.
Not trying to argue or anything by the way! lol
Just thought I’d put in my two cents. :] And please, if I misunderstood the meaning behind what you said, correct me. I’m not perfect either.
Gabby
Heyyy
I think you misunderstood it kinda – I meant that you can’t bring light into the world unless you’re seperate from the darkness. You can bring light into yourself, sure, but you’re not likely to go far helping out in the world if you’re still not clear yourself. (Not advocating perfectionism either, but you’ve got to be clear at least to some extent).